Anxiety

Lately I have been overcome with anxiety. My heart rate is >120, my body is always tense, I've started coughing and I'm not even sick. I am anxious. And all this anxiety is over a volunteer project--something I don't get paid for. And here's the thing. I like being involved. I love helping out, but planning this last even has made me crazy.

The only thing getting me through right now is Todd. He is gentle and patient and kind at all times. I'm not sure how he does it. And he still likes me with all the stress I bring to the relationship....the baggage if you will.

He is a safety net, really. He is not always funny, he's not always able to understand me, he sometimes annoys me but all in all he makes me feel safe.

And this morning his car was broken into in my driveway. My reaction would have been panic, yelling, crying. Instead he came upstairs and asked me when I came to bed, told me gently that his car was broken into and that they had taken his radio and change, that he had called the cops and that everything else around the house looked fine. That was that. I asked a couple of questions and went back to sleep. He had taken care of everything and was at peace. How does that happen?

Anxious vs understanding. High strung vs calm. That is me and Todd. It's a good fit. I just always worry (of course) that my anxiety will break us both. The one thing I do like is that we are both very real with each other. There is no faking happiness or showing off. It's just us. Simply.